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How to be assertive: 5 Steps to the long-term rewards of assertiveness
- Fernando Albert
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The Benefits of Practicing Assertiveness: Learn how to be assertive today
Hello! Do you know how to be assertive, or are you more of the turbulent type? Doesn't matter which one you are; each of these two has its advantages and disadvantages. Neither is better or worse than the other, but they are in balance, obeying the Principle of Polarity.Â
Before we continue, did you have a chance to check last week's article, the Divine Feminine? These are transformative and loving energies that will also internalize your growth and self-love.Â
Personalities that are assertive are often goal-oriented, self-confident individuals with a great desire to move forward, and are usually great at decision-making and leadership. Turbulent ones are of greater emotional awareness and sensitiveness with a greater drive for self-improvement, leading to strong work ethics.Â
As you can see, both types have wonderful blessings, so the goal today is not to change you but to help you know better how to be assertive. The goal here is more oriented towards communication and how you act with yourself, stating your thoughts and emotions clearly, taking into account your needs as well as the rights and opinions of others.
One reason that I am writing about this, besides a few requests, is that improving your assertive personality a little bit helps you to gain some control over your situations and life in general. With this alone, you will experience stress relief by increasing your confidence in reaching a good outcome.
How to be assertive: The Benefits of practicing assertiveness
We live in a competitive world, but you also want to grow in tandem with people around you, and vice versa. The best way to not step on others' feet and for them not to step on yours is to know how to be assertive.
If you want to know how to be assertive, it is clear that you know some of its advantages. You will always notice a growing sense of empowerment without feeling that your ego is getting in the way. Check out a few more benefits:
- Know your communication style. The same way that there are personalities, there are also ways to communicate. I am sure you can tell you know different people who are super different and communicate in their "own ways." Knowing how you communicate reassures you are comfortable speaking up. Let's super briefly check them out.
- Clear and assertive. You speak up clearly about what you think, using proper filters and respecting the listeners. It promotes communication.
- Aggressive. You speak your ideas and needs, stepping on others and not considering others' feelings. It breaks communication
- Bullying. You will trample on conversations and always give importance to your statements by reducing the value of others. It destroys communication.
- Turbulent. You fear speaking up about your needs; you don't want to step on others, so you step on yourself. It partially breaks communication.
- Sarcastic. A fair balance of sarcasm is not bad, but too much of it will end up leading to confusion and a lack of flow. It weakens communication.
- Passive-aggressive. A worse version of excessive sarcasm. People will stop being comfortable communicating with you. It destroys communication.
- Better communication and mutual respect. You don't need to know how to be assertive, as this is about communication. You simply need to have a more caring, respectful, and contributing behavior in all your conversations. The other person is equally worthy with their strengths and weaknesses. Mutual respect builds trust, strengthening the connection.
- Improved job satisfaction and decision-making. You know what is best, and you follow in the best of your ways, aligned with the rest of your team's or company's directives. You will feel complete, you will be at peace knowing you are doing a fantastic job, and you will step into growth.
- Creating honest, respectful relationships. When you build trust, you also build recognition. If you can be yourself in a group of people, you are very much aligned, as sometimes it's unfortunately difficult. Start by allowing others to be themselves, and try to be yourself; if you can't, move on.
- Increased self-confidence and empowerment. Once you start implementing some of the above behaviors, you will feel your life and your surroundings are a lot more lined up, pushing away potential bad outcomes that you no longer have to worry about. Life will significantly improve in all areas.
So, these are some simple steps that you can slowly take, one at a time. You don't have to shift right after reading this article, but you can take one step towards a significant shift down the line.
When you do, your quality of life will continue escalating. You don't want to live in unnecessary fear, and if you can get the most out of your life... why not? Especially this way, where you are not only respecting others but also promoting their lives to be better while they intend the same for yours.
It's from here that you consider that assertiveness will bring that shift you need. Remember, assertive communication is not about stepping on others, but quite the contrary, keeping the dance of conversation flowing to its best rhythm.Â
The 5 steps to learn how to be assertive
So, it is awesome that you want to be assertive; this is a very assertive decision itself, no pun intended. The next assertive move is taking the next step. It can be the smallest step ever; it doesn't matter, what matters is to take it. Let's take a look:
- Creating a foundation made of self-love and self-respect. This is the first step that has to go away, because if you don't respect yourself (for example, by making self-destructive comments), you will never evoke your true assertiveness.
- Starting to use "I" statements effectively. The word "effectively" is key here; it's not about stepping on toes, not others', but neither yours. As you connect more with yourself and stay focused and present in the conversation, you need to clearly express your needs and contributions.
- Manage to say "no" without guilt. This is another tricky one, but little by little, you can always improve this with your proper self-respect. One key to being assertive is paying attention to your needs and expressing them respectfully.
- Get to know your current communication style. We got back to the "get to know yourself," but I mean it, how can you know your needs without knowing your needs? You need to understand how you are comfortable in a group setting and what you need to communicate most efficiently, whatever you need to contribute.
- Rehearsing conversations for better delivery. If you feel that struggle shows as you try to take part in a conversation, you first want to plan ahead. Rehearsing these conversations counts as planning, and it can give you a huge head start, promoting self-confidence and an assertive personality.
As you can see, it only takes a slow and progressive adjustment. You don't have to be completely assertive as soon as you finish reading this, but it's more about a progressive improvement, developing accordingly in how you are and what you desire.
From here, you have a few more things that you can keep in consideration, but don't obsess over them too much; they will come naturally to you if you truly allow yourself to flow in the direction you feel connected with. Take this as some supportive guidance:
Managing emotions and nonverbal assertiveness
Body language, whether you like it or not, it is a thing, and you also need to keep your body movements into account, as well as observing others. You might have a more intuitive perception versus an observant one, making you choose the subtle messages, and trust me, it's great, but you can't bypass the physical part.
One reason why you need to focus on staying calm, and not only hiding it. Your body language can give away signs you don't want to show, so it is best to take a moment to ground yourself first. Using breathing and pausing techniques will be a great choice here. A good advice for emotional regulation is for you to have a memory or "safe zone" that you can easy go by visualizing it. Use this when you really need a moment.
The best advice is starting small and focusing on small-risk scenarios first. Put yourself at the spot, but always in control in how far you want to go. Keep in mind that shifting in how to be assertive comes with learning from each interaction. Little by little, you keep gaining experience.
Conclusion
It is important you always have a degree of assertivess. You don't have to shift your personality, but if you keep these few things into account, you can continue being yourself without getting trampled by today's society.
The best turbulent vs assertive outcome is that as an assertive person, you will be a lot less vulnerable to stress (not inmune however), and you will always have a stronger resilience to keep pushing forward when necessary. By archieving goals, enabling self-expression, and empowerment, as well knowing yourself well, will start a transformative shift in your life.
FAQ
Q: What is assertive communication?
A: When you state your thoughts and emotions clearly, taking into account your needs as well as the rights and opinions of others, you are promoting assertive communication.
Q: How can being assertive help reduce stress?
A: Promoting a balanced, and clear communication with boundaries, you will foster positive connections, reducing conflicts and unnecessary struggles or worries.
Q: What is the difference between assertive and aggressive behavior?
A: The difference here is that the aggressive behavior will always push self's needs to a point of hostility, while assertive communication respects the needs and desires of others.
Q: How can I become more assertive if I’m naturally shy?
A: You need to start building it up slowly, where you focus on small and easier-to-do behavioral steps towards accomplishing your goals and communicating efficiently.
Q: What nonverbal cues show assertiveness?
A: Some traits include the ability of direct eye contact (except for assertive empaths), a clear tone of voice, great body posture, and purposeful hand gestures, showing engagement and confidence.
Q: When should someone consider assertiveness training?
A: If you find yourself not speaking up, procrastinating, not accomplishing your goals, and being driven away by others all the time, you need to start learning how to be assertive.
Q: Can assertiveness improve communication at work?
A: Absolutely, normally it is appreciated and well received. It will promote productivity, trust, and the overall positivity in the work environment, magnifying satisfaction.
Whether it is imbued in your personality or you are working your way on how to be assertive, one thing is guaranteed: results! If you give your best, one step at a time, you will see yourself shifting into your best version.
Next month, it’s November's Monthly Tarot Reading time, and we will talk about the following Tarot Card: The Star. You will also have a couple of or three questions related to this card for you to reflect on. The guided meditation "The Star" card will be available to purchase. Stay tuned for next Wednesday!
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Love & Light,
Lots of blessings and abundance your way! (Home)
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